Learning to Weigh Ourselves Differently ( A Letter for Darling)

Originally Written and First appeared for Darling Email Newsletter letter 88.

“How much do you weigh?” I’ve been asked by various doctors and specialists this year. The answer is more than a simple answer, a number on a scale. Like me, it is more complex. 

180 pounds—the most I’ve weighed. 3—the number of times I’ve been to the ER this year. 16—the size of my jeans. 25—my age. 7—the number of health ailments I live with daily: thyroid cancer, hypothyroidism, IBS, anaphylactic shock, a blood clot, colitis and a weak heart.

There are other numbers that tell my story, and I’m learning to “weigh” myself differently. Instead of pounds, I count the breathes I take, the times I say “yes” when I want to say no, the moments I choose grace and I’m present in the midst of pain. This year, I’ve gained: grace, empathy, resilience, strength, endurance, compassion and vulnerability. 

I have learned that my story is more than a number on a scale. We must learn to we weigh ourselves by the moments we’ve changed, the “I love you’s” we've said, the hand’s we’ve held, the battles we’ve survived and the grace we’ve chosen to live in, accept and give. These numbers matter more than our jean size. It’s time that you and I begin to weigh ourselves differently.